I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
