the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
