Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?