I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
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I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home