he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
