He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.