so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
