I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize