my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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