Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.