everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
