I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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