final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
