yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
