dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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