Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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