Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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