I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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