He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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