I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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