a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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