Don't make out with my wife yet
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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