i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
