I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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