I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
