So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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