Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
