i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
