What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
