so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
