Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
