i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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