Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
