That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
