I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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