The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
