During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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