if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
