This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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