If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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