I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
