Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
