i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
