She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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