Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
