Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
