someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
No more Irish car bombs ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
