Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
