I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
