Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
