you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
