oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
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the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
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Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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