You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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