I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
