Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
