In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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