we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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