I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
