I puked a lego.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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