I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
