Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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