my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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