Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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