My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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