she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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