I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
