I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
