CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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