I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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