My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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