Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
