I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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