Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
