Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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