I am in a vortex of obligation.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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