so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
