good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Boobs are out for the taking
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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