This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
and you fell through a lawn chair
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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