I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
