in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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