my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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