Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
