this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
