Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
